In the brutal aftermath of the Alabama game, I have finally fashioned a crude shelter from what’s left of my house following my aging mother’s response to three fifths of Jack Daniels mixed with her slightly negative reaction to the Tide’s 529 uncontested yards.

At 91 years old, Mom was slapped by the local authorities with a month’s worth of consecutive weekend county jail terms and a year’s community service for mayhem and malicious destruction of private property.

The family’s desperate pleas for less leniency and at least a tether with enough bite to take her down long enough to get the cuffs back on her fell on deaf ears.

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